Trigonometry
Season 1
TV Series | Trigonometry | Contents page
Trigonometry S01E01
Part 1
March 28, 2021, 2:41 p.m.
Elements 21.5.
And the routine total
for Plymouth A is 78.700.
This is start number four representing Rushmore A.
Ray? Oh my God! Ray?
Bollocks.
Tell me you're almost home.
You may need to start without me.
I got, I got held up.
I have started without you.
I mean start the interview.
Are you watching...
Yeah. It's what I expected.
You're a reckless idiot.
Next time, hero, let the grandma fall down the stairs.
Get dressed.
- He's on his way Gemma. - Use the siren.
It's not an emergency.
It is an emergency. I don't see you any more.
That's an exaggeration.
I don't want a lodger.
There's barely enough room for us.
Yeah, well, we need the money, so...
Can't we just declare bankruptcy?
Fake our deaths, move to Bali?
I miss you.
How close are you?
How close are you?
I could get there. Don't hang up.
Seriously dude. Marry her.
999 mode activated.
Oh, my God.
Do you want some breakfast? Hmm?
Excuse me.
I'm Ray.
Ray. Yes, hi.
The girl's coming to view the room, so were gonna have to be quick.
Fuck.
And that's Gemma.
Ray... Err... Coffee? Tea?
- Erm, tea? - Tea. Great! One tea for Ray.
Sorry.
She's just getting dressed and screaming into a pillow.
Erm, I'm sorry, I'm always early.
No. No. This is actually probably a good ice-breaker for the right person,
seeing your prospective landlord's vagina.
I wasn't referring to Gemma as...
I was not calling it an ice-breaker, or...
So, err, do you work nearby or...
Erm... I'm retired.
Oh. Okay really?
Yeah. And you are, erm, a florist?
I'm trousered now so...
You have every right to be untrousered in your own flat...
If you take the room I promise you'll never have to see that again.
Yeah. We'll make it part of the tenancy agreement.
- Is that an offer? - We should interview you first.
You can't interview someone who's just seen your vagina...
Stop.
Gem, the best you can ask for is an informal chat, right?
- Can we all just forget about my vagina? - Yes.
- No. - Seriously, what do we need to ask?
Uh... You want me to interview myself?
He's just come off a nightshift
and I'm flustered for no reason.
Yeah, plus, everyone else we've met has been clinically insane.
Are you clinically insane, Ray?
Does pyromaniac count?
- That's a joke, - Uh-huh.
it's funny, we're clicking, this is going well.
So, erm, I can make the rent. I can give a deposit.
I don't smoke. I'm tidy, I'm respectful, I'm quiet.
I try to be a good person. I'm 30 years old and I still live with my parents,
so... Desperate.
Yeah and you promise not to mention anything about Gemma's vagina?
- Promise, nothing. - Fuck both of you guys.
Do you have any questions for us?
Uh... No.
I already know too much.
Yeah.
What can she mean she's retired?
See her bruises? She might have a bad boyfriend.
Or girlfriend.
I'm just saying, she might have.
We had phone sex.
I had phone sex.
- For fuck's sake, Kieran. Again? - What?
Oh, yeah. You should see the other guy.
It was an old lady, Gem, and she's fine now. All right...
Saviour for the fucking needy.
How is that a bad thing, though?
'Course you want to give this battered woman the room.
Fucking Damsel-in-Distress. Just your type.
Oh, says the woman with her knickers off, hoping our new lodger's a lesbian.
Oh yeah, you're right. I can't keep living this lie.
This six-year hetero blip is over, and I'm back on the muff.
I'm late for work. We'll argue when we get back.
Yeah, sure. What else would we do?
Not fuck.
You're too injured and I'm too gay, apparently.
The hell is this?
Oh this is Asher, Chef. My cousin.
Can he hang out here?
I'll end up training more people than I'm serving.
Are you smoking weed?
- No. - No.
Oh... It's 8:00 a.m.
I haven't been asleep yet.
- Thank you, Tom. - See you.
See you on Tuesday. Bye.
All right Asher. Take off your jacket and help me with the chairs.
Right, grab the last two.
Okay, Gemma, this is all mad.
You've heard this before.
No. I was born in 2002.
- What? No you weren't, 'cause... - No. I was.
Oh, my God, I'm old.
This is to remind you that you're mortal,
next time you feel like being a reckless twat...
Dick!
We won't be able to argue when the lodger moves in.
Better make the most of it, then.
Another night shift?
If we can't make time to argue, then what even are we?
I don't know what the hell that's supposed to mean, but I have to go.
Don't be too brave.
Good morning.
Good night.
Oh, my God!
Pull yourself together Mick.
Trigonometry
Season 1
TV Series | Trigonometry | Contents page