Single Parents
Season 1
TV Series | Single Parents | Contents page
Single Parents S01E01
Part 1
Feb. 16, 2020, 9:30 a.m.
So you're the only new kid. Big deal, right?
You are gonna crush first grade, Soph.
Thanks, Dad.
A-A-And in case you do get nervous,
I got you something special.
A magical amulet.
Nothing bad can happen to you when you got this guy on.
Careful! Ooh, don't let the magic out!
Did you make this out of Post-its?
No!
Yes.
It's gonna be way worse for me
if I'm wearing sticky notes around my neck.
I'm good on my own.
You're good on your own?
Yeah. See you at pickup.
Okay.
Bye.
*I've been staring at the edge of the water*
*Long as I can remember*
*Never really knowing why, cha cha cha cha cha*
Are you whisper-singing "Moana" at me?
Well, yeah, 'cause it always calms you down.
But not now. Bad timing.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on. Read the room, right?
Okay, you got this.
- Bye, I love you. - Bye.
- It's gonna be fun. - What if I miss you?
Look, buddy, we talked about this.
It's only six hours. You're gonna do great.
Can I have your scarf?
Graham, we're not doing the scarf thing.
Please. It helps when I have something of yours to sniff.
Look, I don't want you sitting at your desk
during recess sniffing my stuff.
Okay, fine, but you're gonna eat vegetables tonight,
the green bummer ones.
Like coconuts and safety.
Mom? I'm regretting the purple.
I should have dressed like a normal kid.
Hey. What's the one thing you always have to be?
- Myself? - And who are you?
Honestly, Mom, I don't even know right now.
Hey, you are a smart, stylish young man
who could pull off jewel tones better than anyone I know.
And you can cut a rug.
Okay.
Today, I am a grape!
You heard him. My kid's living his truth.
Dad, you forgot our lunch boxes.
Okay, tell you what.
Take 20 bucks and buy yourself a burger from the grill, huh?
Dad, this isn't the club. There's no grill.
Right. Here, sweetheart.
Get yourself some crap with a rainbow on it.
My kid's taking your lunch.
No one ever packed me snacks. Make it work.
Dad, you can't call girls "Sweetheart."
It's not empowering.
Okay, let me tell you what is empowering --
fending for yourself.
Kids today, they're treated like morons.
But not you two.
I would share a foxhole with both of you,
and that is the highest compliment I can give you.
All right, hit me with the family motto.
No weakness.
Drain the swamp.
Excuse me. Sir? Are you supposed to be here?
Do you have a child in this class?
Oh, uh, he's my neighbor.
He's 20, and he's raising a baby alone.
He hasn't fully accepted
that his life has changed forever, you know?
Yeah, um, I'm not running a support group.
You're a little mean. I like it.
Where am I?
Oh, I had the strangest dream.
Sir, I'm gonna ask you to leave.
He goes where we go.
Here you go. Get yourself something nice.
I can't accept tips.
Okay. It, uh, "Dropped on the floor."
Attention! Excuse me! Hello, hi!
Quiet coyotes. Quiet coyotes.
Thank you.
My name is Will Cooper,
and I have the honor of being your Room Parent.
- Oh, no. - Ooh, this is bad.
Is he wearing a necklace made of garbage?
Uh, Sophie and I are new to the school,
and we are so looking forward
to getting to know every one of you.
I am single.
Always try to get that out there.
Just never quite sure how to work it in.
But that just means I have more time
for creating a little hot lunch option I call...
"Taco Tuesday," Y'all!
Right?
Did he just "Oprah" That?
He know he's white, right?
Everybody knows.
Come on! Give me fives! All right!
Somebody tell me when it's safe
for my nuts to return to my body.
Now, I see a lot of you are wondering,
"Where do I fit into the equation?"
Five words -- "One hundred percent parent participation."
He's got to be kidding.
- I am not kidding. - Not happening.
I'm gonna be standing right outside that door
with this sign-up sheet, okay?
This is what's become of the American male.
We used to make things.
Empathy, Douglas. He's single. We're single.
No, I've never been that single.
Do not try to avoid me,
'cause I will hunt you down and circle you like a shark.
Okay, guys, we need to talk babysitting.
I'll need help Thursday
because all the paralegals are going out to karaoke.
Just kidding. We're staying late to file.
On Thursday, I'm busy.
I got to 'Gram my new Yeezys.
- You're a ridiculous person. - Thanks, man!
Well, at least he doesn't eat steak
with the same pasty old white guys night after night.
Single Parents
Season 1
TV Series | Single Parents | Contents page