Orange Is the New Black
Season 1
TV Series | Orange Is the New Black | Contents page
Orange Is the New Black S01E01
Part 1
Feb. 16, 2020, 9:30 a.m.
I've always loved getting clean.
I love baths.
I love showers.
It's my happy place.
Was my happy place.
All inmates in B dorm must be checked for lice.
Repeat,
all inmates in B dorm must be checked for lice.
Oh. I'll be out in a sec. I swear.
I'll wait. There best be some hot water left.
There wasn't very much when I started.
Come on, hurry.
All right. Okay. Okay.
I'm done. I'm out. I'm totally out.
Damn, you got some nice titties.
Thank you.
You got them TV titties.
They stand up on they own, all perky and everything.
Okay.
You know they sell flip flops at the commissary.
My money's not in yet, so...
You creative, I give you that, high tits.
Now get the fuck outta the way.
Okay.
I know a place that's got, *
hey, ain't nobody crying. *
Ain't nobody worried...*
So, there's an entire pig in there.
Yes.
For four of us.
It's a small pig.
I really wanted to use the box.
It was my birthday present.
She's guilty she's leaving.
It's a guilt pig roasting box.
At least you get something.
I'm not getting laid for a year, too,
but what do I get?
A baby?
But you can't eat it.
Are we really gonna eat that?
It's thematic.
You're not serving time in Cuba.
Pigs. Cops.
How the fuck are you going to jail tomorrow?
Prison. Not jail.
You're missing my shower.
Polly, I'm really sorry.
I know.
You focus on how you're gonna maintain your eyebrows behind bars.
You may not come back with a unibrow.
Am I allowed to cry?
No. Seriously, no.
Okay, we are ready. Everybody inside.
You need a hoist? Yeah.
Big girl.
Onto the last supper.
We gotta do it. I know.
God. We really should not have eaten so much. I know.
Come on, we got to rally. Okay.
Make some memories, you know?
You need some spank bank material.
Oh, well, I mean, when you say it like that...
Oh, wait. I got what?
I gotta pee. What? No.
Yeah. Really?
I'll just I'll be...
I'll be I'll be right back.
You look beautiful.
Thanks.
Oh, shit.
What?
You look beautiful, too.
Come on. Get in.
You're crying.
Shh. Just fuck me. Piper...
Shut up. Please. Please.
Okay.
No visiting today.
Hi, um, I'm here to surrender.
Okay, then.
Did he look surprised to you?
When I said that I was here to surrender?
Didn't he look surprised, like,
what the hell is she doing here?
I– I– I didn't notice.
He looked surprised to me.
I look like shit.
My eyes are all puffy.
You're worried about how you look?
Well, they're gonna know that I was crying.
It's a sign of weakness.
You can't show any weakness.
That's what all of the books said.
Oh, sweetie.
Don't call me sweetie.
Oh... Leonard.
That's better.
I can't take it with me.
Okay, right.
What are you doing?
What?
What are you You you can't put that in your pocket.
It's gonna end up in the bottom of the washing machine.
Okay. Where where would you like me
to put it, then, Piper?
Up your ass.
There's no room.
Apparently, my head's already up there.
I'm sorry.
It's okay.
You know what?
I'm gonna put it in my wallet, okay?
And when I get home,
I will put it in your jewelry box.
Until I'm short on rent, then I may hock it,
but I'll try to get it back before you're out.
We should go.
Okay.
Okay.
Self surrender.
Yeah, well, no one told me either.
Got the paperwork right here.
Name is Chapman.
Yeah. Chap.
Like when your lips get all dry,
they're chapped.
Have a seat.
Piper, rhymes with sniper.
You hungry?
Orange Is the New Black
Season 1
TV Series | Orange Is the New Black | Contents page