TV Series | Crashing | Contents page
- Oh, my god, Peter! - Sweetest.
Who is this?
I'm sorry, I should have grabbed a bigger towel.
My wife slept with somebody else, today.
- Oh, boy. - Yeah, oh, boy.
Go write some jokes.
I saw your set. I mean, top five worst I've ever seen.
You heard what I said, right?
- Wait, that was real? - Yes!
- You're upset. - Yes, I'm upset.
You-- you stole my wife.
I'm setting you free, I'm shaking your cage.
You don't belong here anymore.
You know what you're supposed to do, so do it.
Free live comedy tonight.
Look at us, we're gonna do a set tonight.
Following the dream, we're grinding it out.
I'm happy to be with you guys.
What the fuck's wrong with you?
I'm going through a divorce,
I'm kind of floating around.
Oh, you're homeless.
- No. - Do you have a home?
- No. - I can't, it's so sad.
Don't put your face in this pillow,
bad shit happens to this pillow.
This is why we sent you to Christian camp,
so these things wouldn't happen to you.
I did everything I was supposed to.
I didn't drink, I didn't smoke. I didn't have sex.
Please stop touching my balls.
- Okay. - I'm sorry.
This is comedy, this is what I want to do.
Honey, how will you survive?
I have no job, I have no money, I have nowhere to stay.
I need to be with you.
I love you so much, Jess.
Shut up! I chose Jesus!
I'm really excited about our friendship, man.
We're not friends.
We're broke, together.
That's how it starts.
Peter! You have risen.
God! Man, this is my area!
Y-- Y-- Y-- You just opened a wall of my bedroom.
Even when you're wearing pants I can see your dick.
What do you want?
It's not about what I want,
it's about what I need,
which is a conversation with you, man.
What is the point of us having this communal existence
if I have no one to commune with, Pete?
Where are you all the time? You're working or something,
out all night. You're sleeping, resting, or something all day.
I'm sorry, I work-- I work, yes, at night, and then I'm out late.
It's not like I'm partying. I'm doing-- I'm following my dream.
And then I don't have time to come home
and also be your best friend.
We can't have an old couple's argument, man.
You have to pull your weight.
You fucked my wife.
Yes, I fucked your wife, but that doesn't help pay the bills.
Believe me, I wish it did, but we gotta work.
Uh, what do you wanna mix in?
Oh, uh, let's, uh-- let's put some gummy bears in there.
Chocolate and gummy bears, okay.
You're-- You're really good at this.
Thanks. Here you go.
Oh, please. No, thank you.
If you tip, it's a whole thing. We have to do, like, a song...
Well, I'll-- I'll leave it there.
Oh, guys, we got a tip!
*First we peel bananas, peel, peel bananas*
*Then we slice bananas, slice, slice bananas*
*Then we go bananas, go, go bana...*
Two for one with a flier, great live comedy.
Great live comedy tonight. Two for one with a flier.
Got a great live comedy show.
Uh, hi, are you the manager here?
No. Hi, great live comedy, we got a great--
You're looking for Jason.
He-- He won't be here, for, uh, a little bit.
Oh, okay, um...
Great live comedy?
Do you have a complaint or something?
No. I'm Ali. I'm a comedian,
and I was just gonna see if there's a chance
I could do a short set? I'm trying to make this tape.
My name is Pete, I'm-- I'm actually a comedian.
- Oh, cool. Hi. - I'm on the show, too.
I mean, not that you're on the show.
You wanna be on the show.
I would love to. That would be amazing.
I just work the door when Jason's running late.
I-- I don't really-- run the club,
I just do it for stage time.
Cool. And you don't have to, like, bark on a corner?
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, this is--
Great live comedy, guys, great live comedy.
Uh, well, you know, it's kinda... slow, but--
- Yeah, that's why-- - if it's slow, you could just...
squeeze me in? That would be so awesome, so...
- Let-- let's see, I-- I'll see what I can do. - Okay.
Okay, ladies and gentlemen,
bringing up the, uh, next comic for you guys,
a very funny lady. I hope you guys enjoy her.
Guys, put your hands together for Ali Reissen, yeah!
Thank you so much.
Um, I have some really exciting news.
My boyfriend and I,
we just took our relationship to the next level.
We broke up. Yep.
Hey, what are you doing?
She's makin' a tape... for TV, I think.
Man, we barked for five hours
and you just throw her onstage?
She's not even passed here.
This guy, he worked out so much and he bulked up so much
to the point where he just, like, lost his neck,
and he, like, grunted to communicate with me?
TV Series | Crashing | Contents page