Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Season 2
TV Series | Brooklyn Nine-Nine | Contents page
Brooklyn Nine-Nine S02E01
Part 1
Aug. 16, 2021, 3:02 p.m.
Excuse me, excuse me.
Hi, I'm Jake Peralta.
Alright, alright.
So thrilled to be here today.
As many of you may know, I used to be a cop.
And I was dirty. I took tons of bribes.
But as a former detective, uh, I know a thing or two about life sentences.
And, Angie, Marco, you just got slapped with the best life sentence there is...
Marriage.
To Angie and Marco. Make us proud, have a son.
Salute
I love the spray-tan, Joey.
Let me take a picture of you.
I wanna show this color to the guy who stains my deck.
Congratulations, Tony. It's a beautiful night.
Hey, you are one of us now.
You know how long I've been waiting for one of you old men to kiss me?
He's a good kids.
I gotta say out of the four of you, I think Vito is the best kisser.
What a wedding, huh?
Although the meatballs were a little dry.
Dry meatballs. That's Peralta's signal. Let's go.
Let's go, let's go.
Go, go, go, go.
Stay where you are. Hands on your head.
Nobody say anything. Nobody talk.
Put your hands off of me. You piece of...
Hey, Captain Holt.
Long time no see. How you doing?
This is not the time. Peralta.
Oh yeah, That's the stuff.
I've missed us.
He's here. He's here. Jake's here.
Okay, let's do the prank.
Where we don't even acknowledge him when he comes in.
Shh, shh. Everyone shh, shh.
Back in the nine-nine.
Jake Jake Jake JAKE
Jake, Jake, Jake, JAKE.
Way to perfection, Charles.
God I miss this place.
Let me just soak it in.
Oh yeah, Stil Coffee, fingerprint ink,
whatever Charles is fermenting in his desk.
Beans.
Beans. It's like I never left.
Alright, fill me in. Tell me evrything I missed.
Won't take long. Only three things happened.
Terry chiped his tooth and had a lisp for a week.
Lithen up, Theven.
I'm thorry, did I that thomething amuthing to you?
Anthwer me! You thon of a bith.
Number 2, Santiago and Boyle wore the same outfit to work one day.
How does it look better on you?
And Captain banned headphones from the office due to the "Gina incident."
Great recap.
Welcome back, Peralta.
Captain.
Everyone has a lot of work,
so you have exatly two minutes to share personal anecdotes.
Those two minutes began when you entered.
You now have...12 seconds left.
Challenge accepted. Undercover highlights: fixed the boxing match,
smoked a whole cigar without vomitting.
was once in a room with ten guys named Sal and missed you all so very much.
Everyone come back to work.
Alright, Jake.
Hey! So... haven't got a chance to say hi.
Hi. - Hi.
Can we talk in private for a sec?
Okay. So,
Now that we are alone, I have to ask.
Did you arrest a perp named Joe Uterus?
Oh my God, yes.
I should've told you immediately.
Perp name Hall of Fame, right?
Oh, yeah.
First ballot. It's right up there
with Sylvester Stools and Janet Storkmuncher.
But also, I just,
I know we left things kind of weird.
You know. Me saying that I liked you
I'm still with Teddy.
romantic styles.
Oh. Good. Good. Cause I was gonna say,
I know we left things weird because I said that I liked you,
but that was a mistake, you know?
I was nervous about going undercover.
I think I just kinda freaked out and you were nearby, so...
I didn't mean it.
But that's great.
Good.
Hey, so Joe Uterus.
What did he do?
Killed the bunch street dogs.
Name is funnier than the story.
There's a confused old woman here
wants to talk to a detective.
Oh come on!
Another drill?
Hello!
My name is Atalie, I'd like to report a crime.
So we're just doing one of this every day.
Oh you got it. I know you got it.
I want my money.
Why, are we doing this?
It's captain's orders.
My name, is Atlalie Manhoi.
I'm eighty-nine years old. And I'm here to report a crime.
Not a problem, we can help you.
Atalie Manhoi
Atalie Manhoi?
Eighty-nine years old,
goatee, six-three, two hundred and ninty pounds.
Hey! This is tight two-fourty.
Show Atalie some damn respect.
Hey Charles.
You pretty excited about Jake being back?
Yeah. It's like when I was a kid
and my grandma come home from the hospital,
only better because Jake's not unresponsive.
Every time you talk
I hear that sound that plays when Pac-Man dies.
Charles, I'm concerned that
you're gonna tell Jake about the incident.
Nobody can ever know that we had sex, alright?
I have spent years cultivating a reputation
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Season 2
TV Series | Brooklyn Nine-Nine | Contents page