Broad City
Season 3
TV Series | Broad City | Contents page
Broad City S03E01
Part 1
Oct. 14, 2020, 10:12 a.m.
My God...
What the fuck, Bevers?
I'm sorry.
Abbo, party of two.
Abbo.
Oh, sorry. Do you mean "Abbi?"
Your table's almost ready.
But we can't seat you unless you're all together.
Unless you're here just by yourself.
No, see? She's real.
'Kay, I'll be right... Hey, dude.
Hey, I'm sorry I was late.
I got into this depressing article matrix
about these Saudi women who have to ask their "Keepers"
permission to leave the house.
Like, please.
I just was so pissed,
I had to blow off some steam and masturbate first.
Uh... Cool... Listen, we gotta hurry up.
We're gonna lose the table.
I've been waiting. Really sorry,
you just would not have wanted to see me if I hadn't masturbated.
Oh... no Oh... no!
Oh, no! You see it?
I see it. It's right there. I want to jump in there.
There's no... It's so deep.
There's no way you're gonna reach the bottom.
Abbo!
You want the table or not?
Okay, we gotta go back to these Saudi women.
Dude, I can't even believe it.
They need written permission from their male guardians...
That's what they call their husbands,
to let them go outside of their house.
Like, they're trapped unless they get written permission.
So fucked up. People don't know about this.
They need to wake up to the injustices of the world.
The bottomless mimosas aren't on the menu anymore.
Are you kidding me? No, they're nowhere.
There was no sign. This is so unfair! God.
Sorry, we did not order sparkling water. No!
It's complimentary.
We'll have two more bottles, please.
Thanks so much.
New York is Europe. I love it.
Every time I walk down the street, I'm like...
Do German.
Australian.
Spanish.
Do Chinese.
Are you kidding?
No.
It's 2016, dude. No. That's my bad, I'm sorry.
Anyway, so about tonight, I want to get into the plan.
What's tonight? I told you last night.
The gallery opening. My roommate from college?
Smelly pussy Donna?
No, and I'm still sorry that I told you that.
No, my other roommate Max Anne.
She got her first painting in a gallery,
she's been working forever,
and I read in TONY...
Time Out New York. Love it.
That the warehouse sale is this weekend
and I need to find something cool to wear.
No, you don't.
You look sexy and vivacious and artsy
and like, young wife material, but, like, taut, and teasy still.
It's a perfect combo.
I mean, it's okay. It's, like, urban.
Like Urban Outfitters. Got it.
Thank you.
To my frond... To the ond.
And to free sparkling water.
That's classy.
Very.
Dude, just trust me. Chill.
Come on. Gum is so repulsive.
It is cow cud.
You want the key back or not?
Trust me.
Here we go. Oh!
Here we go.
Oh, my God. Genie!
You are a genius.
This is Depression-era shit right here.
There it is. You see it? You're so close.
Okay, do you see? Yo, we got this.
It's right there. A little lower.
It's so close. Maybe like north...
Get off of me!
Get up! Get up! Oh, my God!
Are you...? Dude!
What the ? What was that?
What the was that?
Was that a train? I don't know. I can't go like this.
Well, now you have an excuse to buy something.
Honestly, that's the best way to shop,
desperate and in a time crunch.
Well, what about the key?
I'll figure it out.
You know, having this 12-pound chain around my waist for a few hours
is nothing compared to the metaphysical chains
of those Saudi women and their "Keepers."
Totally. All right, well, let's pee first,
you know, just to be safe.
Smart and sexy.
She is unreal, this girl.
She really is.
Sorry, we don't have any tables available.
The next available table is in about an hour.
Oh, no, we're actually just gonna use the bathroom.
The bathroom is for customers only.
We're customers. We just had brunch.
So if you came here two months ago,
that just makes you entitled to piss here whenever you'd like?
The next table is available in an hour and 45 minutes.
You just said it was in an hour. Caught you, pretty girl.
And even if it wasn't an hour,
we will never be patrons at this place ever again.
Unless we're planning a birthday,
because the garden is perfect for large parties.
Yeah. All right.
Have a great day, Abbo.
Perfect.
Give it! Take it easy.
Excuse me, where's the bathroom?
We don't have bathrooms.
We don't even have dressing rooms.
This is a pop-up, bitch!
Broad City
Season 3
TV Series | Broad City | Contents page