Big Mouth
Season 3
TV Series | Big Mouth | Contents page
Big Mouth S03E01
Part 1
Oct. 9, 2020, 10:52 a.m.
So, to begin with, we both love romantic comedies--
This is actually how we met. -Let me tell it.
Okay. -I was watching Must Love Dogs--
Diane Lane. -Diane Lane.
Diane... Lane.
There's a scene where she comes down for her date with John Cus--
I love that scene. -Yes, she's in this spaghetti strap dress.
Ooh-la-la. -I look over next to me,
and who's sitting thereThis guy!
He was a dog.
I really thought he was a large dog. -Woof, woof!
So anyway, he suggests we double down
and watch Nights in RodantheNo!
It wasn't Nights in Rodanthe. -Yes, it was.
It was Under the Tuscan Sun. Yes. -Ugh, as much as I hate to say it,
he's right. -He hates when I'm right. He hates it.
Like, when I'm like, "Let's jerk off in the shower."
Well, it rattles me, you know? You're so... often wrong.
But when I'm right... -When you're right, you're right!
So Diane's life had come to a standstill--
Right, she needs to find herself in Italy.
Okay, and this whole family sees her on a balcony,
and she's in her bra. -And we paused it,
and I did what I did,
and, uhYeah, the rest is history.
Wow, that was over 18 months ago.
Feels like I've known you a lifetime. -Yeah.
Diane Lane. -Diane Lane.
Is any of this usable?
I am your new Hormone Monster.
Okay, just gonna...
Why do my nipples hurt so much?
Happy Valentime's Day, my little baby Bunsen burner.
hey, happy Valentine's Day.
I was just, umSneaking out?
No, I wasn't sneaking out, I just...
You know, late for school, but--
Hey, do you know what's going on with my nipples?
yeah, they're gonna get all tender and swolled up like a Butterball turkey.
And do you know if this is, like, normal for boys?
Absolutely. I think so. -What?
Maybe. -Hold on,
am I the first boy to ever have a lady hormone monster?
Pssh, no! Course not. - good.
You just happen to be my first boy. -What?
I'm the first boy you've ever had? -They like me with girls, mostly.
I don't think I'm a girl, am I?
No, you definitely got a penis. -Right, I'm a boy.
Or a girl, with a penis. -You know what? I really just gotta go.
All right, you run along, baby. I'll be here farting up in your bed.
m, that smells like raw honey.
Sorry, forgot my my God! What is that?
You like that? -No!
That came from the front.
Okay... all right.
What do you think of my valentine for Missy?
Okay, let me... -Will you put your glasses on?
I don't need 'em. I don't need glasses.
Okay, let me see... "Your move, mama."
Right? -Interesting.
Remember, I saw on your computer that she still has a thing for me.
So you're telling her to make the next move,
even though you've made no move?
Exactly. I always blow it on Valentine's Day
because I try too hard. But this year?
I'm flipping the script, daddio.
A red Kangol hat? -Burgundy.
Andrew, I'm gonna be honest with you.
You look... insanely good.
Like Billy Crystal at a Clippers game. -That's exactly what I was going for!
Women love Billy Crystal!
Dina!
You understand!xa0You understand!
Your dad did not understand.
Happy Valentine's Day!
Valentine's Day sucks!
Is this trying too hard?
I got it at Topman, yet it screams bottom.
Top, bottom. These are old paradigms, man.
You look like a hot hunk of cheese. -Ah, fuck it.
I'm the only out kid in the whole school.
There's nobody for me to give a valentine to.
That's why I've been pushing you to go on websites.
Going online to meet someone just feels thirsty.
Yeah, thirsty for some of that bussy.
Bussy? What is bussy?
It's butt pussy. You're into that, right?I don't know.
That's why you gotta get online, Matt.
! They talkin' 'bout butt pussy!
If that makes you uncomfortable, buckle up, y'all!
'Cause this is a double episode! Double the butt pussy!
That's four cheeks. Spread 'em out, bitches!
God, Jay, you're so good at the before-sex stuff.
Yeah, for girls and guys, bro.
yeah, I guess I'm kind of... the ultimate fuck machine?
Jay's about to jerk and chow his way through our brutal course,
all to become the next...
Ultimate Fuck Machine!
And here he goes.
First up is Booby Bridge.
And... he made it!
Now he's gotta get past the Ding-Dong Pegs.
Rock those cocks, dude!
On to the Double Gazz...
If he can just get them to cum at the same time...
Ladies and gentlemen...
Jay Bilzerian is your... Ultimate Fuck Machine!
God, I love fucking you both,
but in such different ways.
So, what are we doing for V-Day, Jacked Galifianakis?
I want a romantic dinner and a magical night of hardcore pounding.
But I wanna do a bro CrossFit workout session
and stuff that grape leaf.
How are we supposed to share you, you stinky little sex champ?
Guys, relax. I can do you both
and give each of you the perfect Valentine's Day.
Now, who should I flop my dick around on to dry it off?
Me, bro, me! -No, me, Jay, me!
Happy Valentine's Day, Nicky!
m, looks like it's just gonna be the three of us for dinner tonight.
Did you make your mother a card? -I'm on it.
Judd, what about you? -Dad, your breath smells like pussy.
It always does. -Ew, gross.
Nick, your family has no boundaries!
They're like Doctors Without Borders.
♪ If the doctors ate each other outxa0♪
Guys, can we just tone it down this year for Valentine's Day?
Tone it down?
Nicky, Valentine's Day, it's wonderfulIt'sIt's--
Big Mouth
Season 3
TV Series | Big Mouth | Contents page