Bad Teacher
Season 1
TV Series | Bad Teacher | Contents page
Bad Teacher S01E01
Part 1
April 21, 2021, 10:25 a.m.
Thank you for coming in, Meredith.
I'm so sorry about the divorce.
Yes, well, Ray cheated on me, as you know.
Anyway, let's just cut to the chase, Howard.
What's my divorce settlement?
You get nothing.
Wait, what?
You... signed a prenuptial agreement.
I get nothing?
I advised you to get your own lawyer.
No car? No house?
No second house?
But I loved Ray.
For his money.
How dare you?
You'll be fine.
Mere-bear, Frank and I are
so sorry to hear about the D-I-V-O-R-C-E.
Your ex-husband's an idiot.
So you stay in the guest house for as long as you want.
We got cable, we got Wi-Fi,
and a semi-private bathroom.
Ramon. Ramon!
I've got nothing, Brie.
No money, no car, no plans for the future.
Then could you pick Lily up from school tomorrow?
Super, that's a plan.
Lily. Your stepmom sent me to get you.
That's what child molesters say.
Don't flatter yourself. I'm Brie's friend, Meredith.
And it's a long walk, so you'd better
have something interesting to share.
My social studies teacher got fired today.
She was dating Coach Kotsky,
but he broke up with her.
So to get back at him,
she hung pictures of his privates up all over school.
Well, there's one. It's so gross.
Nice, Coach Kotsky.
Wait...
What's up with all the cute dads?
Oh, on Fridays all the divorced dads
pick their kids up for the weekend.
So, single dads in luxury vehicles?
I need one of them to hit me
and then hit on me.
Maybe you should just get a job.
Oh, my God.
Lily... that's it.
I should get a job teaching here.
Wait, do you even know how to teach?
No, but I'm sure I could find some Asian teacher to cheat off of.
Thank you very much,
Mei Lin Chung.
You're divorced? Me, too.
Oh, no.
Pretty recently.
I did not see that coming at all.
And it is hard.
So hard.
So much crying.
Oh, so much. So much.
Right? Right?
I don't have anyone to talk to.
So I-I just try to throw myself into my work,
which is much better than puttering around my studio apartment,
using my telescope to watch my neighbors sleep.
You can talk to me.
I'm gonna put this through as an emergency hire.
You are more than qualified, and can I tell you something?
You get it.
I want you on my team.
Not riding the bench.
Carrying the ball.
And...
I can't wait to hear your Chinese.
It's pretty rusty.
Welcome to the Nixon Middle family.
Thank you.
Morning, Meredith.
Good morning, Principal Carl.
Oh, I am so glad you are here.
This weekend was so dark for me.
I ate 47 English muffin pizzas.
It never filled me up.
Everyone, here is our new social studies teacher, Meredith...
Davis. Davis.
Thank you.
There's a fight by the lockers!
Ginny, get this thing started. No cops!
No cops!
Okay, people, we are about to start our staff meeting, so settle.
Okay, we need monitors
for Safety Patrol. Any heroes?
Irene,
do I see your unmanicured hand in the air?
Oh, I actually... I do light exercise after school.
Great. No, no. It's required by my doctor,
so... Perfect. We will see you later.
All right, who's gonna help out Irene?
There is a small stipend.
Oh, I'll do it.
Super.
Why, you're not gonna say hi?
Joel Kotsky. Well, now, Coach Kotsky.
Uh, you may have seen my penis on a flyer, and...
You know, we went to high school together?
I don't really remember you.
I was in that grunge band, Cement Heart.
You, uh, slept with our drummer.
Well, it was high school.
I slept with a lot of drummers.
Oh, that explains it.
Yeah, I played bass.
Hello!
Ginny Taylor-Clapp,
two-term faculty president.
And this is Kim,
my student teacher.
Nice to meet you.
Remember,
your ears are your best learning tools, Kim.
Okay?
This is our teacher's handbook.
Great 411 in there
on start times, dress codes, et cetera.
Um... you know what?
You can save the tree. I think I got it.
It's, like, pretty standard stuff, right?
Bad Teacher
Season 1
TV Series | Bad Teacher | Contents page