Sounds like a fish: "My daughter got knocked up by a Garp! "
Find out if that's the son of a bitch's first or last name.
- Was that his first name or last name? - It was Garp.
Just Garp. That's the whole thing.
I think it was his last name.
- What was his first name? - I never found out.
She never found out his first name?
- Jenny, you must know his first name. - Technical Sergeant Garp.
I knew it! A goddamn soldier.
T.S. Yes. T.S. Garp.
That's my baby's name.
If I ever meet the son of a bitch, I'll kill him.
He's dead already.
I don't suppose you bothered to get married.
Married? She never even met the son of a bitch.
I didn't want to marry. I wanted a baby.
But a wedding ring, dear...
I didn't need his ring, Mother. I needed his sperm.
Don't you dare say "sperm" in this house.
- Where are you going? - To get a job.
I'm a trained nurse and I plan to continue my work.
In the war...
...which side was he on?
Was he on our side at least?
He wasn't on any side. He was flat on his back in a hospital.
One night, when he had one of his usual erections...
...I got on top of him and he squirted it in me.
He ejaculated, and as a result, I've got a wonderful baby.
I can't hear a damn thing.
Where'd she go? Winifred...
Oh, my God.
What a bod!
What a bod. This, gentlemen, is a bod.
I wish I was a girl. If I was a girl, I'd take off my clothes...
...and stand in front of a mirror and look at myself for hours.
The all-American bod.
Why can't a basketball player father a child?
Everybody knows that one.
Get him, Bosworth!
Give me that!
- Where is it? - I haven't got it.
Where did you put it?
Of course you can tell me what happened. Come on in here.
I zipped it up too fast and it got caught.
I can see that. We'll just have to unzip you.
I tried that already, but it hurts.
It's either that, or amputate.
We can't have you parading around like a savage from Borneo.
It's all right. Hold on. I'm going to put something on it.
I'll get you for this!
Leave it alone for a while.
Yes, Miss Fields.
What are you doing awake?
- Dada. - No, not Dada.
Dada's dead. He got killed.
No, let go.
Give this to me.
Where did you get this?
Even when they're healthy they're sick with lust.
A word of warning, you filth monger!
If you expose my baby one more time to cheap shots like this...
...l'll inoculate your jock strap with bubonic plague.
It'll do such a job on you, you'll have nothing left to scratch down there.
- Understand? - Yes, Miss Fields.
Well, good night then, Bosworth. Sleep well.
- My father was a flier. - I told you he was a tail gunner in a plane.
If he was in a plane, he was a flier.
- Was he real big? - I don't know, I never saw him standing up.
I'll tell you about it some day. This is one course you won't be taking.
The text is dull, and Stewart Percy is even duller.
I nearly fell asleep in his class today.
Maybe he didn't die.
- Who? - My father.
He sure did. Dead and gone.
I'll check out this class for you next week.
Long Ranger died.
- It's "Lone Ranger," not "Long." - He died.
- Sorry to hear that. - But he really didn't.
Everybody thought he died, but he didn't die.
Maybe my father didn't really die either.
I'm a nurse. I know. He died.
- Will I ever fly like Daddy? - I don't know.
I remember flying.
When you were born, I was so happy I threw you up and down, up and down.
- I remember. - You were too young to remember.
I remember flying. I went flying with Daddy last week.
Will you sleep or will you stay up and think your weird thoughts?
I'll stay up and think weird thoughts for a while.
All right. Fine.
- I'll see you in the morning. - Lf I'm still here.
You don't really need a father.
All the other kids have one.
If they all had trench mouth, would you want that, too?
I'm tired of that answer.
I'm tired of your questions.
Hey, over here, Stuey!
I know how to make babies.
I know, too.
How could you? You don't have a father.
You're a bastard.
But I'll teach you.
Monkey in the middle!
All right, first thing is:
I have a headache.
Oh, my head. I have a headache. Not tonight.
Now, you're supposed to attack me and pull my clothes off.
Yes. And you're supposed to say:
"Every night you have a headache."