Yeah?
(Barry) No, sit properly like you're gonna mean it,
like you mean it.
No, Waj, don't muck about.
Cos the battery's gonna go. Sit...
Who's mucking about, Barry? I'm not mucking about.
Well, you can't sit like that.
What's wrong with how he's sitting, Barry?
(Barry) Come and have a look. It's wrong.
There's nothing wrong with it.
(Barry) Not you! (Waj) Show me.
(Barry) No! Right, what are you loolking at?
There's nothing there.
No, there's nothing there. Go and sit down.
You can't see yourself, you mug! (Waj) I thought you were recording it.
(Barry) Right, sit, sit.
Faisal, go away. I'm ready, I'm ready.
(Barry) All right. Waj, just relax your face.
Focus on what you're going to say. Get on with it.
Go, before the battery goes. (Omar) One, two...
Three... action!
Ey up, you unbelieving kuffar bastards.
I'm gonna turn you baked beans... (Barry) No, no, no.
What? What's with the gun?
Proper replica, man. What for? Action Man?
Replica AK-47.
It's too small, man. Not too small, brother.
My hands. Waj...
Big hands.
He can't do it with that gun.
Shut up, Barry. Try it without, our kid, and let's go.
It's too small, believe me.
I'll hold it near the camera. That'll bigger it.
That'll what? That'll bigger it.
(Waj) Yeah. (Omar) Go now.
Ey up, you unbelieving kuffar bastards.
(Barry) No, no, no! This is absolutely stupid.
These are the outtakes. You know, the bloopers.
He looks good. (Omar) Today is a wakeup call.
Today is an opportunity for you to look in the mirror
at western imperialist culture.
Superficial materialism
ends at the capitalist church of McDonald's.
Flipping idiots.
It's as though you just had a Big Mac, completely oblivious to the amount...
Complete flipping idiots.
You could've gone Chicken Cottage, proper halal,
bargain bucket ¡ê6.99.
What are you talking about? I'm talking about Chicken Cottage.
There's one where he doesn't say that. Your bit's good, Dad.
(Barry) Take the box off.
I can't show my face cos it's an image.
And images aren't allowed.
You know what? They're all bloopers.
(Barry) Take the box off.
What am I going to do if he does that at the camp?
Is Uncle Faisal ready to go to Pakistan?
(Barry) You can't do your jihadi video with a box on your head.
No way.
Ran 23K on the weekend.
6K Saturday morning.
Had a light lunch: Snack-a-Jacks and a medium apple.
5K in the afternoon, cos obviously it was after lunch, so...
Same again Sunday.
Although in the afternoon I only did 4K cos I'd had a roast.
Would've gone further, you know, but I started to run a bit lopsided.
I'm not slagging my right leg off, but my left leg is definitely stronger.
I think lefty just wants it more, you know.
He'll just wait there, let lefty pick up the slack.
Before you know it, you're running in curves.
Really show him who's boss. Yeah. Know what I mean?
You do know you can talk to your legs, don't you?
I need tomorrow off. What?
I need tomorrow off, and the two weeks after that.
Jesus, I thought you were serious about this job, Omar.
I've got to go to a wedding in Pakistan.
You've got to ask yourself where you'll be in five years' time.
It's an emergency. What, an emergency wedding?
Like a shotgun wedding?
Like a shotgun wedding, yeah.
Right.
Well, I'll have a look at the rota.
(Barry) The Feds can track your phone even if the battery's out.
(Faisal) Really? Really. They can see you underground.
(Waj) Can they see you if you're not there?
(Barry) Where's there?
(Waj) I don't know.
They can see you everywhere, Waj.
(Faisal) Are they looking at us through cameras?
Space cameras, yes. But...
My dad says I'm not supposed to be on camera. It's haram.
With the greatest of respect, Faisal, your dad eats newspaper.
Not any more. He eats moths. Exactly, bro.
Look, the way to stop the Feds tracking you is very simple.
You eat your SIM card. Get your SIM cards out.
You remove the SIM card and... Yes?
Can I cook mine? No. You must eat it raw, like this.
Good boys.
Salaam, lads.
Malaikum asalaam.
Right. We re eating our SIM cards.
Anti-surveillance.
You know they still work inside you, Barry.
Eh? They can still track them inside you.
That's not going to be very helpful in Pakistan.
What? In Pakistan.
Answered the call, bro.
What call? Training camp.
We re upgrading.
We re going.
Why did you get the call? Why didn't I get the call?
You don't have an uncle in Pakistan last time I checked.
You got an uncle in Folkestone. Are there any training camps in Follkstone?
Why do we need a training camp, anyway? We re primed.
We don't need some tramp up a mountain, telling us to set a fuse.
We don't need some Paki Steptoe telling us when to go.
You re right, Barry. We can go whenever we want.
Exactly. Whenever we want, bro.
Yeah, if you want to be some kind of sad loner trenchcoat mafia twazzock.
What do you mean?
What I mean is, you can either be a stupid nutter Muslim
who blows a bag full of nails into his own guts at a toilet at TGI s,
or you can be a proper soldier in the Mujahideen.
I m already in the Mujahideen. No, you re not, bro.
No, not until you join the army
and hold the sword
and touch the sky - proper chain of command,
right to the very top.
All right, I m coming. Oh, you want Paki Steptoe now?
Listen, I am the most Al Qaeda one here.