Aug. 20, 2019, 3:04 a.m.

Friends Season 5 Episode 20: The one With the Ride Along.

Monica: Ok, guys, listen, don't forget that tomorrow is the day that Emily gets married again, so whatever we do, just try to really keep Ross's mind off it ok.
Joey: Oh, yeah, good idea.
Chandler: Hey man, what's up?
Ross: Oh, eh, just thinking about Emily getting married tomorrow.
Joey: Ooh, Ross, look! Look!
Ross: What? Where?
Joey: Right over there! Right there! Look-look-look!
Ross: What am I looking at?
Joey: Somebody help me out here!
Phoebe: Hey!
All: Hey!
Gary: How are you?
Phoebe: Monica, sorry I didn't come by last night. I was out with Gary; he let me ride around with him in his cop car. We saw and prevented crimes.
Joey: You got to go on a ride-along? !
Phoebe: Uh-huh!
Joey: Wh- I wanna go on a ride-along!
Ross: Yeah me too!
Gary: Ok!
Chandler: Yeah, yeah! Me too!
Gary: Really? ! You?
Chandler: Yeah.
Gary: Well, it's kinda dangerous.
Chandler: Well, I like danger.
Gary: Ok, you guys free tonight?
Joey & Ross: Yeah! !
Chandler: Tonight? You-you didn't say it was gonna be at nighttime.
Rachel: Hey!
Monica: Hey! Oh, I'm so glad you're home, I thought tonight we could finally organize these photos!
Rachel: Ohh, thank God! Finally!
Monica: Ok, I've broken them down into categories. Ok, we have uh, we got holidays, birthdays, candid, you know...
Monica: And then what I've done is I've cross-referenced them by subject. Right? So if you're looking up, ohlet's say birthdays and dogs, you get Photo 152. See?
Rachel: Ohh, it's me and Le Poo! Wow! I miss that dog.
Monica: Aw. We could also find him under umm, dog and dead.
Rachel: Great! Thanks!
Monica: Ok. All right, hand me that other box of photos; that's the very last one. That's the last one.
Rachel: Ok.
Rachel: Oops. Sorry! Well, good thing you numbered all of 'em, huh?
Monica: I hadn't! Photo 152 was a prototype.
Rachel: Ohhhh. Honey, honey, honey, it's ok, it's ok honey. How about I fix you a drink, huh? Maybe a margarita?
Monica: Ross has the blender! Ugh, everything's just falling apart!
Rachel: No, honey, it's ok! Listen, I'll go to Ross's and get the blender, you get all the margarita stuff ready.
Monica: All right, his keys are in the drawer. You know what? I also need some cash.
Rachel: Ok, you want me to stop at the ATM?
Monica: No. While you're at Ross's if you see any lying around...
Rachel: What? !
Monica: What? ! I-I-I don't, I don't do that!
Ross: That was so cool man, the way you leaned on that guy.
Chandler: It is starting to get dark out there.
Ross: He told you everything! I mean you totally cracked him!
Gary: Yeah well, being he was the victim, they're usually pretty talkative.
Chandler: Ok. But it is officially nighttime.
Ross: Oh hey, Gary, you want me to grab the berry for ya?
Gary: It's called the cherry.
Ross: It's called Chandler! !
Joey: Ok, I got it! This place makes the best sandwich in the world!
Gary: Hey Joe, does it have meatballs on it?
Joey: Oh-ho-yeah!
Gary: Yeah! Does it have melted cheese and marinara sauce?
Joey: Yeah-oh!
Gary: Yeah, you can't eat that in my car.
Joey: Yeah ok. Even though my tax dollars paid for this car.
Chandler: Your tax dollars?
Joey: Yeah, ok.
Chandler: Wow! That sandwich really does smell good.
Joey: Did I say you could smell it? !
Chandler: I can't smell your sandwich?
Joey: Half the taste is in the smell! You-you're sucking up all the taste units!
Chandler: Ok, I'll give them back. Look! What is so great about that sandwich?
Joey: Ok, imagine, the best sex you've ever had.
Chandler: Ok.
Joey: Are you thinking about Monica? Chandler: Yeah.
Joey: Yeah, what's that like?
Rachel: Ohh! Oh please don't be from a real dinosaur! Please! Please! Please! Please! Please! Please! Please! Please! Made in Mexico! Yes! ! Ugh, who would buy this? !
Monica: Rach! It's me! Pick up!
Rachel: Hey! What's up?
Monica: I need a few more things to make the margaritas. Uhh, I need some salt, some margarita mix, and tequila.
Rachel: So all we have is ice?
Monica: See if he has ice.
Rachel: Okay.
Emily: Hello Ross? It's Emily. I know this is out of the blue but uh, I'm getting married tomorrow. Well, maybe I am...
Emily: I keep thinking about you and I'm wondering if-if we made a mistake giving up so fast. Are you thinking about me?
Emily: Of course you're not, but if you are, call me tonight. Okay, bye.
Rachel: Oh. Oh!
Ross: So where're we going next?
Gary: This witness won't return my calls so we're gonna see if we can surprise him coming home.
Chandler: Sur-surprise him? We're not, we're not gonna make anybody mad are we?
Joey: Come on, man! Listen so uh, you're gonna squeeze the perp's shoes a little bit before he lawyer's up?
Gary: It's a witness not a perp and no one talks like that!
Ross: Yeah, no one talks like that!
Joey: Oh what? Like you're Mr. Cop!
Ross: Hey, I'm more cop than you two!
Chandler: How do you figure that?
Ross: Hello! I'm in the front seat, ok? I'm Gary's partner!
Chandler: You know, when you say partner it doesn't sound cop. It sounds gay.
Ross: Umm, jealous!
Gary: Hey, do you mind? We're undercover here.
Ross: Oh yeah, no problem.
Gary: Ross!
Ross: Sorry! Sorry! Oh, there!
Ross: Hey Gary, who am I? Phone home!
Chandler: Look at Officer Ross riding back here with the visitors.
Joey: Yeah, what's up with that Serpico? "What's up with that, Serpico?"
Emily: Are you thinking about me? No, of course you're not, but if you are, call me tonight. Ok, bye.
Monica: Nooo!
Rachel: I know!
Monica: Well thank God you were here! I mean, we have to erase that!
Rachel: Wh-what? ! We can't do that!
Monica: We have to! I mean what if Ross hears that, and he calls her back and then they get back together?
Monica: Is that what you want? Ross back with that controlling, neurotic, crazy Emily? The Emily that wouldn't let him see you?
Rachel: Noo! Oh no! No! God no! He-he should not get back together with her.
Rachel: I mean I know that, you know that, even Ross knows that! But that still doesn't give us the right toerase his message!
Monica: I'm his sister, ok? And I love him! I don't wanna see him get hurt! Come on! Doesn't that give me the right to control him- help, him?
Rachel: I don't think he's the one who needs help.
Monica: Look, she's obviously unstable, ok? I mean she's thinking about running out on her wedding day.
Monica: Ok, fine! But let me- look at the position she's putting him in! And what's he gonna do? Like- Ross is gonna run over there on the wedding day and break up the marriage? !
Monica: I mean, who would do that? ! Ok, fine, all right, but that's you know, that was different! Although it did involve a lot of the same people.
Rachel: Ugh!
Monica: You know what, this is obviously some twisted joke she's trying to play on him.
Rachel: Ok, you are crazy! I'm sorry, but she sounded genuinely upset! I mean, listen!
Answering Machine: Your messages have been erased.
Rachel: Noooooooo!
Monica: Well, that worked out well. Margarita?
Chandler: Ok, you know, we-we're safe right? I mean nothing bad can go down!
Gary: No. But that reminds me, sign this.
Ross: What is it?
Gary: It's nothing, it just says that you can't sue the city if you scrape your knee or you know, get your head blown off.
Chandler: Oh, hurry up. I want to sign that.
Gary: Ok, here he comes. What is he doing? What the hell is he doing? !
Ross: What? What? What? What is it?
Joey: Is-is everything ok?
Chandler: What's going on?
Gary: Ok, he sees us. Don't move. And don't look at him.
Gary: Hey, it's ok. It was just a car backfire. Hey, look at that! You tried to save your buddy. See that? You see what he did?
Joey: You ok man?
Ross: Uh-huh. Thanks Joey!
Chandler: Uh, hello! !
Joey: Hi. You all right?
Monica: All right, I guess we should go.
Rachel: No, wait, wait.
Monica: Oh yeah right!
Rachel: No, Monica! Monica! We have to fix this!
Monica: There's nothing we can do. You erased the message!
Rachel: Yeah, but maybe I could call his machine and re-create, the message. All right, ok...umm...
Rachel: Hello, Ross, this is Rachel-Emily. God, what is it with those two names? Umm, I just so wanted to say that I'm going to be getting person.
Rachel: And I'm-m-m I'm having doubts and...scones...Oh God! I can't remember what she said.
Monica: Yeah, that's the problem with this plan.
Monica:All right Rachel, come on. You know what, eh the message is erased. There's nothing we can do all right. He's never gonna find out about it.
Rachel:Well- I-I could tell him about it.
Monica: Look, if you're gonna be totally rational about this, I can't argue with you! All right? Fine, if you wanna tell him, tell him. I just, I don't wanna be a part of it.
Rachel: Oh, maybe that's Emily calling back to leave the exact same message.
Ross: Hey Ross! It's you! I just want you to remember this feeling.
Ross:You are lucky to be alive! So live everyday to the fullest. Love yourself, ok? Ok. Oh, and-and also getstamps. Bye!
Monica: Wow! Play that message for Emily and this whole problem goes away!
Rachel: Oh. Right?
Gary: Hey, anybody wanna meet a hero?
Phoebe: John Glenn is here? !
Gary: No, Joey!
Phoebe: Joey's never been to outer space.
Ross: Pheebs, we had the most incredible night! Ok, so, we're in the car...
Gary: Wait! Hold on!
Gary: Hi.
Phoebe: Hi!
Gary: Ok, go ahead.
Ross: Ok, ok, so we're in the car. Right? And bang! A shot was fired. And Joey with no regard for his own safety throws himself on me!
Phoebe: My God, Joey!
Chandler: It was a car backfire!
Ross: Yeah, but-but he didn't know that!
Joey: Yeah, I didn't know that.
Ross: And it could've just as easily have been a bullet.
Gary: Hey Joe, you ever think about joining the force? We could use a guy like you.
Chandler: Who jumps at loud noises!
Ross: Wow! I could've died tonight.
Chandler: Yeah! If the car that backfired had run over you! You know what, I'm gonna go home before Ross starts rambling about his new-found respect for life.
Ross: I do have a newfound respect for life.
Chandler: Oh my God!
Phoebe: Ross, I could've told you, you weren't gonna die today.
Ross: What? You know when I'm gonna die?
Gary: Sweet you wanna get some dinner?
Phoebe: Sure! Yeah! Oh, you know what? If I heard a shot right now, I'd throw my body on you.
Gary: Oh yeah? Well maybe you and I should take a walk in a bad neighborhood.
Phoebe: Ok!
Gary: All right.
Phoebe: Bye!
Ross and Joey: Bye!
Joey: Cut it out Ross! I hate to have to save your life and kick your ass in the same day!
Joey: Dude! How come you took off?
Chandler: Oh, just go out for a walk, round the living room. Whatever...
Joey: Something wrong?
Chandler: No. No I'm just tired. You know, from-from the walk.
Joey: Ok.
Chandler: You dove in front of Ross! Ross!
Joey: That's what this is about! Oh my God, you hate Ross!
Chandler: Not hate Ross!
Joey: Of course you do! I saved him! You're mad at me! It all adds up! You want Ross out of the picture.
Chandler: What picture?
Joey: I don't know, but I don't like what I'm hearing!
Chandler: I'm very glad you saved Ross in the car backfire, but it could've been a bullet and you, you know, you didn't try to save me!
Joey: Ohh, you're upset because you think I chose Ross over you!
Joey:No! could take care of yourself. You know? I mean Ross, he needs help. He's not street like us!
Chandler: When it comes down to it, you would risk your life for Ross before you would for me. That's the bottom line.
Joey: Well-no, not exactly! All right, look, I, I wasn't trying to save Ross. Ok?
Joey:My sandwich was next to Ross. All right? I was, I-I was trying to save my sandwich.
Chandler: From a bullet!
Joey: I know it doesn't make much sense...
Chandler: Much sense? !
Joey: Look Chandler, it was instinct! Ok? I just went for it!
Chandler: So you risked your life, for a sandwich!
Joey: I know it sounds crazy, but Chandler, this, is, the greatest sandwich in the world!
Chandler: So you didn't uh, choose Ross before me.
Joey: No! I would never do that! You-you're like my brother!
Chandler: Really? !
Joey: Yeah! In fact, to prove how much you mean to me...
Joey: here.
Chandler: Thanks.
Joey: No, eh, oh-oi, easy, it's not a hot dog!
Joey: How good is that?
Chandler: Oh-oi-ho, yeah!
Joey: See?
Chandler: Hm-hmm.
Joey: Oh-whoa-hey, dude, what're you doing? !
Chandler: I thought you were showing me how much I mean to you.
Joey: Yeah. With a bite! Gee-e-e-eez!
Rachel: Hey! Hi!
Ross: Rach, what uh, what're you doing here?
Rachel: Hey! You know what? You are in our apartment all the time! Ok? This is, this is just a drop in the bucket mister!
Ross: You know, it-it doesn't matter. The important thing, is that you're here. You're my friend, and you'rehere. Oh!
Rachel: Huh. Ok, just a little scared. What's going on Ross?
Ross: Uh, the most amazing thing happened tonight. I thought my number was up. I had an actual near death experience!
Rachel: What? ! Wh-what happened? !
Ross: Ok, ok, we were on the ride-along with Gary, right?
Rachel: Yeah!
Ross: And somebody took a shot at me!
Rachel: Wow, really? !
Ross: No, a car backfired, but I thought somebody was taking a shot at me. And Rach, I...I survived! And I was filled with this-this great respect for life.
Ross: You know? I-I wanna experience every moment. I wanna seize every opportunity. I-I am seeing everythingso-so clearly now.
Rachel: Because a car backfired?
Ross: Ok, why are you here?
Rachel: Well, I-I-I don't know how this fits into your whole "seizing" thing but um, Emily called you today.
Ross: You talked to her?
Rachel: No, she left a message. But it-it kinda got erased. I mean, there's some- something wrong with your machine.
Ross: Well, ok, what-what did she say?
Rachel: Well, uh, something about having second thoughts about the wedding and did you guys make a mistake breaking up and uh, she wants you to call her.
Ross: Wow!
Rachel: Now, that-that was a good thing that I told you, right?
Ross: Huh? Yeah! Yes, of course!
Rachel: Ok. Thank you! Thank you! Because- all right. I'm gonna go scoot tell Monica that I was right.
Rachel: Because you know what? She didn't want- not important. Point is, I was right. Your decision. Ok? I was right. Your decision.
Ross: Right. I guess, I guess I should call Emily.
Rachel: Ok, no, that's not the right decision. That's not right, that's not, no Ross, come on! I mean, that woman made you miserable! Ok, Ross, I mean, do you really wanna get back into that?
Ross: Ok, look, yesterday I wouldn't've even considered calling her back, but my ex-wife calls on the same day I have a near death experience. I mean, that-that's gotta mean something, right?
Rachel: Ross! That was not a near death experience! That was barely an experience!
Ross: You weren't there! Ok, maybe this is something that I-I'm supposed to seize! You know?
Rachel: Ok, you know what? Maybe, this is not about seizing stuff. Maybe this is about escaping stuff.
Ross: Huh.
Rachel: Ok I mean, look-look today. I mean you escaped death, you know? And maybe this is a chance for you to escape getting back together with Emily.
Ross: That does make sense. Because I do wanna seize some opportunity, but I-I really don't wanna see or talk to her.
Rachel: Well, th-there you go!
Ross: Yeah-ah. Yeah. Maybe today is just, close call day.
Rachel: Close call day.
Ross: Hey, thanks Rach.
Rachel: Ohh, honey no problem. Ok.
Ross: Oh wait-wait-wait! The message is blinking. Maybe you didn't erase it.
Rachel: Oh?
Ross: "Hey Ross, it's you!" Oh yeah, no that's-that's an old message, nobody needs to hear that.
Rachel: Yes.
Ross: Hey umm, was-was Monica here?
Rachel: Yeah.
Ross: Yeah, I want my money back.
Rachel: Yeah, uh you-you probably need that for stamps, right?
Ross: Hey Pheebs, has Gary ever been shot at for real?
Phoebe: Yes. Once. Yeah, a little. He kinda did it to himself. It's not really a good story.
Ross: I wonder how I'd react under fire, you know? And not backfire but-but heavy fire, like if I was in a war or something.
Monica: Man, I would be great in a war! I mean, I really, I think I would make a fantastic military leader. I mean I know I would make general before any of you guys.
Chandler: Before or after you were shot by your own troops?
Ross: I know where Joey would be. He would be down in the foxhole protecting all of us.
Chandler: Yes, if the foxhole was lined with sandwiches.
Joey: Yeah, hero sandwiches.
Phoebe: Well you all know that I'm a pacifist so I'm not interested in war, in any way. But you know what? When the revolution comes, I will have to destroy you all.
Phoebe: Not you Joey.

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