Friends Season 5 Episode 12: The one With Chandler’s Work Laugh.
Rachel: Come on Joey!
Joey: Rach, I told you everything I knew last night! Look, it's not that big a deal, so Monica and Chandler are doing it.
Rachel: Aw! I can't believe you would say that!
Joey: Oh. Sorry. Monica and Chandler are making love.
Rachel: No! I mean come on! This is a huge deal! Come on I want- I need more details, who-who initiated the first kiss?
Joey: I don't know.
Rachel: God, I just can not imagine Chandler being romantic.
Rachel: Is he romantic with her?
Joey: I don't know.
Rachel: Are they in love?
Joey: I don't know.
Rachel: Oh, you don't know anything.
Joey: Ohh, I know one thing!
Joey: They did it right there on the couch yesterday.
Joey: Hey Ross!
Ross: Yeah. Hey Gunther, could I have a scone please? Wanna hear some good news?
Chandler: Is somebody else gonna give it to us? Because you certainly don't seem like you have any.
Ross: No-no-no-no, I do. Someone I know is getting married! Yeah! And weddings are happy occasions! Oh, by the by it's my ex-wife Emily!
All: Oh. What? Oh!
Chandler: Sorry man.
Gunther: Here's your scone.
Ross: Oh, thanks Gunther. Thanks. Stupid British snack food!
Chandler: Did they teach you that in your anger management class?
Phoebe: Hey, you know what might help you deal with it?
Phoebe: Think of it this way, you and Emily are in the past and you can't be mad about the past. So are you still mad about The Louisiana Purchase?
Rachel: Pheebs, I don't think anybody's mad about that.
Phoebe: Exactly! Because it's in the past!
Joey: Anybody gonna eat that?
Monica: Look at us all dressed up for the big office party! Hey, by the way, what are we celebrating?
Chandler: Oh, we had a lot of liquor left over from the Christmas party.
Monica: I think this is so cool, I mean none of our friends are here so we can, you know, could be a real couple. We don't have to hide.
Chandler: I know, I can do this.
Monica: Ooh, and I can do this.
Both: We can't do that. No.
Doug: Hey Bing! Wo-ho-ho, who's the pretty lady and what the hell is she doing with you?
Chandler: I asked myself that very question, sir. Uh, this is Monica. This is my boss, Doug. Doug, this is Monica.
Monica: Hi, nice to meet you!
Doug: Hi! And this is my wife Kara.
Kara: Nice to meet you Monica. Bing!
Doug: Say Bing, did you hear we got a new law firm working for us?
Chandler: No, sir.
Dough: Yeah, uh, Dickem, Stickem and Run.
Doug: Come on honey, let's go drink our body weight huh?
Monica: What was that?
Monica: The noise you just made.
Chandler: Oh, that was my work laugh.
Monica: Really? Your work laugh?
Chandler: Oh, yeah, believe me, if you're gonna survive this party, you're gonna have to come up with one too.
Monica: All right, check me out.
Doug: Says $30 Father; same as in town.
Chandler: Hi! Everybody at work loved you last night!
Chandler: And! They like me more just because I was with you! I think you repaired a lot of the damage whenthey met Joey.
Chandler: And Doug wants us to play tennis with them. He's never even talked to me outside of work. Except for that time when we bumped into each other at that strip club.
Chandler: Strip, church. Anyway, I'm gonna go try and find a racket.
Monica: Hey, I thought you already had one.
Chandler: Oh I used to, but then Joey thought it would be fun to go to Central Park and hit rocks at...bigger rocks. Hey, Rach, do you have, a tennis racket?
Rachel: Oh umm, you know I lent it to Joey and I never actually got it back.
Chandler: Ok, good luck with that.
Rachel: What's up? !
Monica: What're you doing here? I thought you had to do inventory all day.
Rachel: Well yeah, I do, but you know, I decided I would take a long lunch and spend some time with my friend Monica.
Rachel: You know, I-I feel like that we don't talk anymore. How are you? What is new with you?
Monica: Uhh, not much. Uh, work's good.
Rachel: Oh you know what, we don't have to talk about work. We can talk about anything!
Monica: Ok. Umm...
Rachel: Hey! You know what? Let's talk about relationships!
Monica: Ok, what's going on with you? Rachel: Nothing!
Rachel: You go!
Monica: Well, I-I- there was this guy at the bank that I thought was cute, umm, but I don't anymore.
Rachel: Wow that's uh, juicy. Umm, you know what though Mon, I actually do have a lot of work to do so if-if- you sure there's just not anything, else?
Monica: Yes, I'm sure! Rachel, is there something that you wanna talk me about?
Rachel: No! I- If there was I wouldn't tell you.
Phoebe: Oh. Ok, then what happened?
Phoebe: Ohh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. You'll get your turn!
Ross: Hey Pheebs, what's going on?
Phoebe: Nothing! This is not over!
Ross: No! No! No!
Phoebe: What? !
Ross: Uh, I was up all night writing this really nasty letter to Emily! It was perfect and now it's all covered in-in...Actually, thanks!
Joey: All right! Everybody ready to go to the movies?
Ross: Uh, actually, I think I'm gonna skip it.
Ross: Yeah, I'm gonna stay and read my book. I just wanna be alone right now.
Joey: Oh. Sure you don't wanna come? Tom Hanks, Meg Ryan, they get mail and stuff.
Ross: That's ok, Joe.
Joey: All right, let's go Pheebs.
Ross: Oh God! God!
Doug: Well, I gotta tell you Bing; that partner of yours is, a real tiger. You all right sweetheart?
Doug: We're, we're just gonna get a little sip of water.
Monica: Am I on fire today or what? ! Those birds are browned, basted, and ready to be carved!
Chandler: Ok, easy Martina. I think we should let them win the next game.
Monica: I'm sorry, I don't understand what you just said.
Chandler: Let them win one.
Monica: Are you crazy? ! We own those two! I mean look at 'em, he can't breath and she's popping pills.
Chandler: You're not even giving them a chance!
Monica: They have rackets don't they? !
Doug: Uh, Bing, I think we're gonna make this last game.
Chandler: Oh, yes, sir! Put me out of my misery. Are you sure you never played pro? Please let them win!
Monica: I'll take it down to 95% but that's the best I can do.
Chandler: Oopsey, missed it!
Monica: I got it!
Doug: Nice shot.
Monica: I got it!
Monica: I can't believe you let them win!
Chandler: Yeah, you know, at least you hid your feelings well about it.
Monica: I was frustrated.
Chandler: It was my racket.
Monica: I was frustrated with you!
Chandler: If we hadn't lost the game they would never've invented us to dinner tomorrow night.
Monica: You know what really bothers me? It's- it's how-how different you act around them!
Monica: I mean you know the throwing the tennis games, the fake laugh, the "See you later, Bing!" "Not if I see you first, Doug!"
Chandler: Listen, I don't sound like some crazed drunken pirate.
Monica: I know you don't, but Work Chandler does. I gotta tell you, I don't like Work Chandler. Ok? The guy's a suck-up.
Chandler: Ok well you know what, because you said that, I'm not putting out tonight.
Monica: I'm telling you, something's wrong! My brother does not stay out all night.
Joey: Maybe we should check the trash chute.
Rachel: Ross couldn't fit down the trash chute.
Joey: That's right, he almost could. Which is exactly how I got stuck there.
Rachel: There he is!
Monica: My God! Where the hell have you been? !
Ross: Just, you know, out.
Rachel: Ohh, out, oh God, I don't know why we didn't think to check there!
Phoebe: What were you doing?
Ross: I uh, went to a bar. And then, I just uh, just walked around for a while.
Rachel: You walked around all night in the city by yourself?
Joey: He hooked up! He hooked up with someone.
Ross: Look, I don't have to answer your questions! Ok? I'm a big boy, I can do whatever I want!
Joey: He hooked up! Tell us about her!
Janice: Ross you left you scarf in...
Janice: Hey you guys.
Janice: Oh-ok. Oh-ok. I know what you all are thinking. But Chandler is in Yemen! I'm a young woman! I have needs! I can't wait forever!
Rachel: Yeah! No, that's what I was thinking.
Janice: So I'm asking you please, just take a moment, before you judge me.
Phoebe: Oh, nobody's judging you.
Janice: Oh! Ok! You, Mister Right Place at the Right Time, call me!
Joey: So, I guess you finished your book. Had some time on our hands, did we?
Ross: Ok, look, I-I know what you guys are gonna say...
Phoebe: You two would have very hairy children.
Ross: Ok, I didn't know you would say that.
Rachel: Ross! Janice? !
Joey: All right, hold on! Hold on. Hold on. This is Ross, ok? He's our friend. He obviously went crazy. He obviously lost his mind.
Ross: Look it's not that crazy, ok?
Monica: Uh! But it's Janice! I mean, she's...Janice! How drunk were you?
Ross: Ok, Janice and I have a lot in common! We've-we've both been divorced. We-we both have kids.
Phoebe: So are you actually gonna see her again?
Joey: Phoebe! Don't put ideas in his head!
Ross: I am gonna see her again.
Joey: Damn it Phoebe!
Rachel: Ok, I have to tell you something that I have never admitted during our entire friendship! When we were in high school I made out with James Farrell even though I knew that you liked him!
Rachel: Wow, that feels so good to get off my chest! Ok, you go!
Monica: My turn? What-what're you talking about?
Rachel: Ugh, Monica, I know about you and Chandler.
Monica: What? !
Rachel: I overheard you guys on the phone the other day, and you said, "I'll just tell Rachel that I'm doinglaundry for a couple of hours."
Rachel: And he said, "Laundry? Is that my new nickname?" And you said, "No! You know what your nickname is, Mr. Big."
Monica: Well. Sounds like you're writing yourself a little play there Rach. Wow! Let me know how that one turns out.
Rachel: Well, I would know because I got so freaked out, I hung up the phone.
Monica: Well, if you had kept listening, you-you would have heard me call him Mr. Big...it.
Rachel: What? !
Monica: Mr. Bigot. I mean, He tells the most racist jokes.
Rachel: All right. So that's it. You're telling me there is nothing going on between you and Chandler?
Monica: Me and Chandler? !
Joey: All right, put your 20 bucks down. First one to find the tasty treat wins. Ok?
Joey: All right. Let's get the contestants out of their isolation booths. And they're off!
Phoebe: Get your foot off my contestant! Judge!
Joey: Judge rules, no violation.
Ross: Hey guys!
Phoebe: Hey! Yeah!
Ross: You know what? It's so weird to say this, but I just had a great day with Janice!
Joey: What? !
Phoebe: Are you serious? !
Ross: Yeah! I opened up to her about all the terrible stuff that's been happening to me. I mean I talked forhours.
Ross: It is amazing, to have someone give you such-such focused attention.
Phoebe: You don't need Janice for that, you've got us. We...
Joey: And the duck gets the Nutter Butter!
Phoebe: No! Hey-hey that's not a Nutter-Butter, that's just an old won-ton!
Joey: Judge rules, Nutter Butter.
Phoebe: Ohh, tough call.
Doug: But seriously, I strongly believe that we should all support President Clinton. And her husband Bill.
Kara: So, how do you kids like your coffee?
Monica: Oh, none for me. Thanks.
Chandler: Uh just a little bit of sugar.
Doug: Well, maybe I'll bring it out and have Monica stick her finger in it. That ought a sweeten it up, huh?
Monica: How does that laugh not give you a headache?
Chandler: Oh, you get used to it.
Monica: You know, I-I-I don't think that I can. So if you don't mind, maybe this will be it for me on the work things.
Chandler: So I laugh at my boss's jokes, what's the big deal?
Monica: I'd rather not hang out with this sniveling work weasel guy when-when I can be hanging out with my boyfriend, who I actually respect.
Doug: Uh, I gotta apologize for Kara's coffee. You know, I feel sorry for it if it ever got in a fight, it'snot strong enough to defend itself. Take what I said Bing?
Doug: It's a joke Bing. What's the matter with you?
Chandler: Well, I-I just didn't think it was funny sir.
Doug: Excuse me?
Chandler: Well, I-I just...
Monica: Honey, I just don't think that you understood the joke.
Monica: Yeah! I mean, it was really funny, I-I just thought that you got it.
Monica: You see Kara's coffee is-is-is weak tasting, ok? Wh-wh-what Doug did, was-was imply that it was weakphysically. You get it now when?
Chandler: I think I do!
Chandler: Thank you, Monica.
Monica: I thought you could use the help.
Chandler: Coffee in a fight!
Joey: Hey Rach! Hey, you mind if I read my comic books in here?
Rachel: Sure! Why?
Joey: Oh well, Chandler and Monica are over there and you know, it's kinda hard to concentrate.
Rachel: What? ! She just called and said that she was gonna be working late!
Rachel: Ok, she keeps lying to me! That's it! You know what? I'm just gonna go over there and I'm confronting them right now!
Joey: Panty raid.
Chandler: All right, so you're telling me, that I have to tell racist jokes now? !
Monica: Sorry! I'm just - I'm not very good at this! I'm a terrible liar and I-I hate having to lie to Rachel!
Chandler: But we're not ready to tell yet!
Monica: I know! It's just that...ever since high school Rachel was the one person that I told everything to you know? I miss that so much now. She's my best friend.
Monica: Joey? ! Oh my God, Rachel!
Rachel: Hey! Hi!
Monica: What are you doing here?
Rachel: Well, I actually came over here to borrow this lamp...to look at my books. You know, see them a little better.
Monica: Okay great!
Monica: Umm, well what-what I was doing in Chandler's room is that umm, I was cleaning it! In fact, he pays me to clean it!
Rachel: Oh! What a great way to earn some extra pocket money.
Monica: You know when I said to you earlier that I was at work umm, I'm at my new work.
Rachel: That's good enough. Right? Okay, well umm, I'm gonna go look at my books!
Monica: Okay. Okay. I'll get back to my new job.
Rachel: Ok...Congratulations on your new-new job.
Chandler: Man, she is really gullible.
Gunther: Here you go.
Ross: Oh, thanks!
Janice: Actually, I should get going.
Ross: Oh, you-you sure? Because I can stay out as late as you want. I told you how I'm on sabbatical from work, right?
Janice: Yes! Yes! You did!
Janice: What is wrong now? !
Ross: This isn't what I ordered! Man! Can anything go right in my life? ! First my marriage falls apart, then I...
Janice: I know! I know! And then you lose your apartment! And then you lose your job! And then your ex-wife gets married so fast! And now the coffee- ahh!
Janice: Ross, we need to talk.
Ross: Ok. Sometimes I feel...
Janice: No-no-no-no, no. I'm going to talk. I believe that the sun has set on our day in the sun.
Janice: You're a very sweet person Ross, umm, unfortunately, I- just something I can take another second of you whining!
Ross: Let-let me make sure I'm hearing this right, you're ending this with me, because I'm too whiny? So you're saying, I've become so whiny that I annoy you, Janice.
Janice: Well yeah!
Janice: Are you gonna be ok?
Ross: I am now.
Janice: Oh hi! Well, I guess that's two out of three, Joey.
Ross: Dude, we gotta talk.
Ross: I just wanted to tell you something before you heard it from someone else and I, hope this isn't too weird, but uh, I had uh, a thing with Janice.
Ross: What you're-you're not mad?
Chandler: Why would I be mad?
Ross: Well, because you know there are certain rules about this kind of stuff.
Ross: You don't uh, you don't fool around with your uh, friend's ex-girlfriends or possible girlfriends or girls they're related to.
Chandler: I am mad! But you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna forgive you!
Chandler: Because that's what friends do! They forgive their friends when they do everything you just said,all the things on the list there.
Chandler: Well, but I want you to remember that I forgave you.
Chandler: I also want you to remember, that I let you live here, rent free!
Ross: All right.
Chandler: And, I want you to remember that I gave you twenty seven dollars.
Chandler: No strings attached. Now, if you can't remember that, I think we should write it down...let's write it down!