Friends Season 4 Episode 15 : The one With All the Rugby.

Chandler: You know, I can't believe I'm getting my nails done. And you said it was gonna be fun.
Which it kind of is. Also, you said there would be other guys here. There are no other guys here!
Rachel: Chandler, there's a guy right over there.
Chandler: That's a mailman! That's our mailman! Hi. How are ya?
Rachel: Chandler, don't worry! This doesn't make you any less of a guy! That does!
What am I sitting on? I hate to think what this woman was scratching when this broke off.
Chandler: Hey, you know wh-, who used to have nails like that?
Rachel: No.
Woman: OH...MY...GAWD! !
Monica: Joey, let me ask you a question. This's been driving me crazy. What does this light switch do?
Joey: Ohh, Nothing.
Monica: Didn't it drive you crazy to have a switch and not know what it did?
Joey: I know what it did! Nothing.
Monica: They wouldn't have put it there if it didn't do something! How can you not care?
Joey: Like this.
Rachel: Well, here's another question for ya. Uhh, do you know what that little silver knob on the toilet does?
Joey: Sure! Flushes it.
Rachel: Ok, good. Now that- since you know, when you come over would you mind actually using it?
Chandler: Hello!
Joey: Hey! Ah! !
Rachel: Guess who we ran into today? !
Monica: Janice? !
Chandler: Isn't this amazing?
Monica: How've you been?
Janice: Well, um, I'm divorced.
Phoebe: Ohhh, wow.
Janice: Yeah, I'm riding the alimony pony.
Joey: And there it is.
Janice: I just came up to say, "Hi!" Hi! And you, sweetie, I'll see you later. I'll see you tonight.
Chandler: Ok. Bye.
Janice: Bye.
Chandler: Bye.
Janice: Bye.
Chandler: Bye.
Janice: Bye.
Chandler: Bye-bye!
Janice: Bye-bye.
Chandler: Bye. I can't stand the woman!
Phoebe: What? ! I thought you were crazy about her!
Chandler: Yeah, I know, but you know all those little annoying things that she did before we fell in love?
You know, like her voice, and her laugh, and her personality! Well, they're all back! You know? And she's picked up like nine new ones!
Joey: So what are you doing bringing her here? ! There's people here!
Chandler: Don't worry about it. I'm taking care of it, tonight.
Rachel: You are not. You have never been able to break up with her.
Chandler: Well, I don't have to break up with her this time. We're not involved! I'm gonna do a pre-emptive strike!
I'm gonna end it with her before it starts. My ass is like frozen!
Joey: Yeah, try sticking it in the freezer for 20 minutes. I'm telling ya!
Emily: I can't believe you really walk alone here at night. I mean, you hear such stories about New York.
Ross: No, it's really not that bad. I mean, I-I for one, feel perfectly safe.
Ross: Help! Help! ! Help! Help! !
Emily: No, no, no Ross! Ross, these are friends of mine from home. Liam, Devon, this is Ross.
Devon: Aw, huh. Hey.
Liam: How are ya man?
Ross: Oh that was a good one, huh? Help! Help!
Emily: So, how are you? I've been meaning to ring you ever since I arrived but umm, well, I've been rather busy.
Devon: Do you realize, we have not seen each other since the night of that U2 concert?
Emily: Oh my God. I think you're right.
Liam: Well, actually the last time you and I saw each other was, the next morning.
Emily: Oh, Liam.
Ross: Huh! Oh, Liam. So uh, what, were you guys playing soccer or something- or-or should I call it football?
Devon: We were playing rugby.
Liam: In fact we're playing a game at the park tomorrow. You're welcome to play too if you want.
Emily: Ross play rugby? I don't think so.
Ross: What, what's so funny about that?
Emily: Well I mean, you're American to start with. You don't even have rugby here.
Ross: Well, we didn't have freedom here until 1776, either, so...
Devon: So good then! We'll see you at Riverside Park at 2:00! Cheers! -Liam: Cheers! -Ross: Cheers!
Janice: Oh boy, I just love to sing!
Chandler: Yes, I-I know that you do. I think one of the reasons people were complaining though, was because most of the people would've paid to hear the actor, sing Old Man River.
Janice: Oh, look at us! Who would've thought that Cupid had a station at 14th Street Nails.
Chandler: Ok, we have to talk. I'm just getting out of a very serious relationship...
Janice: I know! And I'm just getting out of a marriage, I mean talk about "meant to be"!
Chandler: Right! But I just think this is happening too soon.
Janice: Oh, too soon, too schmoon. Face it honey, I am not letting you get away this time.
Chandler: I hear ya. But! Unfortunately, my company is transferring me overseas!
Janice: Oh no! Where to? To Paris?
Chandler: No! No! Not, Paris.
Janice: Oh to London? Oh-no, Rome? Vienna? Ooh-ooh, Barcelona?
Chandler: Ok, could you just stop talking for a second? Yemen. That's right, yes, I'm being transferred to Yemen!
Janice: When?
Chandler: I don't know exactly.
Janice: Ugh, well I will just have to soak up every ounce of Chandler Bing until that moment comes.
Chandler: But I do know that it's some time tomorrow.
Monica: Done?
Phoebe: Yep!
Rachel: Hey!
Joey: Hey! What's up?
Monica: Aw. This switch thing has been driving me crazy. So, I turned it off and checked every outlet.
Now, four of them don't work. Which means, one of them has to be controlled by the switch.
So, I plugged in things in all four of the outlets that-that make noise, that way when I turn it on I just follow the noise and find out which one it is.
Joey: I bet I stopped listening before you did.
Rachel: You know, you-you also could've used uh, lamps and then followed the light.
Monica: Yeah, well, I'm using noise. Ok. All right! So, everybody ready? Here we go.
I hear something! I hear something! Where is it?
Rachel: It's coming from Joey!
Phoebe: Oh my God, that's so freaky! Turn him off! !
Phoebe: Ooh, hey, could we put on the news? I think it might be raining.
Ross: Oh, just hold on a second. I'm watching this rugby thing on ESPN. I don't know what the big deal is. I'm man enough to play this sport.
Joey: Dude, you're not even man enough to order the channel that carries the sport.
Janice: Hey there Ross!
Ross: Hey!
Phoebe: Janice.
Chandler: You know uh, you really didn't have to help me pack.
Janice: Ohh, well when you said all you were gonna be doing between now and the time you leave is packing, you really didn't leave me much choice. Did you?
Chandler: Well, I-I thought I did but, I-I guess I did not!
Joey: Hey, what's going on?
Chandler: Oh, I'm packing. You know I'm-I'm packing 'cause I'm moving to Yemen tomorrow.
Joey: Thanks for telling me!
Chandler: I'm going we pretend moving to Yemen, ok? It's the only way I can get rid of her.
Joey: Ohhhh, good one! And Yemen, that actually sounds like a real country.
Janice: Hey Chandler! Come on, I'm gonna show how to roll up your underwear and stuff it in your shoes. It's a real space saver.
Phoebe: Yeah, I know, I do that 'cause it makes me look taller.
Janice: Ok, Chandler, come on!
Chandler: Ok. Joey, trade lives with me!
Joey: No. Man, look at this! Ross, I can't believe you said you'd play rugby. I mean look how brutal this is!
Ross: Hey, I can handle it! All right?
Rachel: Please, Ross, you-you got hurt playing badminton with my dad.
Ross: That's 'cause your mom's dog kept-kept looking at me.
Joey: Ok, Ross, look-look-look-look-look, right here. That's called a scrum, ok? It's-it's kinda like a huddle.
Ross: And it is a hum, kinda like a scruddle?
Joey: Ross! They're gonna kill you!
Phoebe: Well, why are you doing this, anyway?
Ross: Well, you should've seen the guy that she used to go out with. I mean, he's like Joe Rugby.
Phoebe: You're kidding! And he plays rugby? ! That's so funny. Ohh! I see, you did that. All right.
Ross: Anyway, she thought the very idea of me playing rugby with him was like hilarious. So I'm gonna show her how tough I really am!
Rachel: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You're right, you are, you are a tough guy. You're the toughest paleontologist I know.
Joey: All right, come on look, Ross can take care of himself! It's not like he's...Chandler!
Chandler: Thanks!
Ross: Look, don't worry about me. Ok? I'll just look real energetic and stay away from the ball. I'll uh, I'll be that guy right out of the circle.
All: Oh!
Rachel: Oh, well maybe there was a dog looking at him.
Joey: Ross-Ross-Ross-Ross! Stay away from that guy, and that guy. And that one- Dude! They're all huge!
Ross: They don't look any bigger than me!
Joey: Well, maybe that's 'cause you're closer to you. So you look bigger to you from where you are.
Emily: I'm just going to say hi to the lads. All right?
Ross: All right.
Emily: Ok.
Phoebe: Hi.
Phoebe: Oh! Kinda liked it.
Ross: Ok, I know what I've gotta do. I've gotta go Red Ross. You know, Red Ross!
Joey: Totally don't know what you're talking about.
Ross: Come on! The time we were all waiting in line for Dances With Wolves and that one guy cut in front of us and I-I just lost it? !
Huh? Screamed at him! Turned all red! Red Ross! !
Joey: No.
Ross: You'll see.
Emily: Liam, do me a favor. Tell the lads to go easy on Ross, it's his first time.
Liam: You don't say!
Emily: Thanks. Good luck, babe.
Liam: Ross! Ross! Come on! Get in here! Ross! Come on!
Liam: Ross, come on! Get in the bloody scrum! Ross, get in!
Ross: JOEY! !! !! !
Rachel: You...are...not going to believe it! Joshua came into work today, and guess what happened?
Monica: He asked you out? !
Rachel: No. But I was showing him some cufflinks and I felt his pulse.
Monica: Saucy!
Rachel: What are these?
Monica: Electrical plans for the building.
Rachel: Ok, ok, ok should I be scared?
Monica: I know that switch's gotta do something, ok? So-so I went down the city hall and I got these. All I had to do is pay $25 and wait in line for three hours.
Rachel: Wow! If only more people knew.
Monica: All right, do you, do you, uh, understand any of this?
Rachel: Oh no. I-I don't understand any of this electrical stuff.
Monica: All right, does, does this look like a switch?
Rachel: I don't know.
Monica: Hmm, is this wiring?
Rachel: I don't know. That looks like a bunny though.
Chandler: You know, you, really didn't have to take me to the airport.
Janice: Oh please. Every moment is precious. You know? Besides, somebody had to ride in that other taxi with the rest of your luggage,
and your friends don't really seem to care too much that you're leaving.
Chandler: Well, we're really not that close. Ok, so I guess this is uh, you know, goodbye then.
Janice: Oh no! No! It's not goodbye, I'm not leaving until you get on that plane.
Chandler: Ok. Well, I guess it's just, wait here then. Hi. I need a fake ticket to Yemen.
Ticket Counter Attendant: One ticket to Yemen?
Chandler: Oh no-no-no, no. No, no, no, I just, I just need a pretend ticket.
Ticket Counter Attendant: I'm sorry sir, I don't understand.
Chandler: What would you give to a kid if he wanted a ticket to play with?
Ticket Counter Attendant: Are you traveling with a child?
Chandler: No. All right, look, you know what, she's gonna think that I'm handing you a credit card, but what I'm really gonna do is hand you a library card.
Ticket Counter Attendant: Ah, sir, a ticket to Yemen is $2,100 and we don't take library cards.
Janice: What's the matter? Is something wrong? Do you have to stay?
Chandler: American Express?
Emily: I can't believe they're doing that to him! I told them to go easy on him!
Phoebe: No offence, but you know, sometimes it's hard to understand you, you know with the accent, so...
Emily: That's just halftime, there's more of this.
Joey & Phoebe: Hey.
Ross: Did you see me? That was pretty good, huh? That is one fun game!
Emily: Right.
Ross: Hey, do me a favor, would you, say, grab me a bottle of water?
Emily: Yeah.
Ross: Thanks. I-I think I'm dying. I-I really do.
Phoebe: Oh, poor baby.
Ross: Tell my son that I love him. Aw, excellent! Well, ok, I gotta have some more fun!
Emily: Ross, they are killing you out there!
Ross: That's not true!
Phoebe: She's right! You have to stop!
Ross: What? No! No, I'm not stopping. I'm Red Ross!
Joey: Dude, if you go back out there, you're gonna be Dead Ross!
Ross: I don't care! I am not quitting! I am gonna finish this game!
Emily: All right, all right, if you insist on doing this, at least let me help you.
Ross: No, God no! That is no place for a woman. Those guys will grab anything.
Emily: No. That's not what I was saying. I just might know a few things that could help you inflict some pain.
Ross: I like that.
Emily: Yeah? Listen closely, Devon has got a weak ankle.
Ross: Huh?
Emily: One swift kick and he'll back off.
Ross: All right, bad ankle, got it!
Emily: And-and that big bloke with the beard, he has got a trick hip. Yeah. And uh, and David over there, I heard he doesn't wear a cup.
Ross: Yeah? I could use that, trick hip, no cup, ok! Ok!
Emily: And uh, Liam, Liam's got bad knees. You hit him right and he'll go down like a lamp.
Ross: But-but, Liam's on my team.
Emily: I don't care! You just get him!
Ross: I'm gonna go get him! Ok, I am going back in!
Joey: The Red Ross! Yeah!
Rachel: Hi!
Monica: Hi!
Rachel: What-what are-what are these?
Monica: Oh, just some pictures I made and hung up. I thought they'd brighten up the place. They do, don't you think?
Monica: No-no-no, no!
Monica: I know that there's no hole there, I just really liked that picture.
Rachel: Oh my God! Look at this!
Monica: Ok, but there is a wire back there! I mean that switch is connected to something!
Rachel: I don't care! The wires have come loose in your head!
Monica: I just thought that if I could follow the wire I could find out what it did.
Rachel: And did you? !
Monica: No. It disappears back there behind that baseboard.
Monica: But it didn't. Say hello to Mrs. Chatracus.
Mrs. Chatracus: Hello darling.
Rachel: Hello, Mrs. Chatracus.
Monica: Hey, Mrs. Chatracus, do you know Kenny?
Rachel: You've got to be kid- Wow! What? !
Phoebe: Now, are you sure you don't wanna go see a doctor?
Ross: Oh no! That-that'll just bring me down! This was great! I mean I-I-I was great! This was a great day!
You know what? I'm buying everyone coffee. All right? If someone would just grab my wallet, it's in my pocket.
Joey: Yeah, sure.
Ross: No, not you.
Joey: Ok. Uhh, look, your eye's still popping out a little there, I'm gonna go get some ice.
Ross: Ok.
Phoebe: Ooh, ice! I am so in the mood for ice!
Emily: You were amazing out there.
Ross: Oh, I kinda was, wasn't I?
Emily: Oh my God!
Ross: I made a man twice my size cry. I mean, I haven't done that since I was four and I washed my dad's Porsche with rocks.
Emily: You really enjoyed yourself, didn't you?
Ross: Please! Are you kidding? I-I hurt three huge men, I gave a guy a bloody nose.
I mean I-I'm not proud of it but, I really am. And it's all because of you, yeah, wonderful, amazing you.
Emily: I think you've got concussion.
Ross: No, no, I'm serious. Thank you.
Emily: You're welcome. I'm sorry. Did I hurt you?
Ross: It's worth the pain. You know what, you know what? It's not.
Ticket Counter Attendant:'>P.A. ) This is the final boarding call for Flight 664 to Yemen.
Chandler: Well, I-I guess I gotta go.
Janice: Oh, my Bing-a-ling. I'll wait for you. Do you even know how long you're gonna be gone?
Chandler: Well, just until we find an energy source to replace fuel.
Janice: Oh. Well, I'll write you everyday. 15 Yemen Road, Yemen.
Chandler: Ok, goodbye. Goodbye.
Janice: Chandler?
Chandler: No!
Janice: Chandler!
Chandler: Janice! There you are! There you are! I had to have one last kiss, and also-also you said that you were gonna leave right after I got on the plane!
Janice: No! No! I-I wanna see you take off.
Chandler: Well I guess then I'm going to Yemen! I'm going to Yemen! When we get to Yemen, can I stay with you?
Monica: All right. The super couldn't figure out what it did. A $200-an-hour-electrician couldn't figure out what it did.
I've had seven pretty serious shocks. I officially give up.
Rachel: Thank God.
Monica: Guess Joey was right, it does nothing.
Phoebe: See? I'm doing it. I am totally doing it. I lost it.