Monica: Hey. Hey! How long till Pete's fight? Oh, about five minutes.
Right now they're interviewing his opponent. Apparently he trains by going to Iran and pulling the arms off thieves.
Ross: Hot dog? Four, please. I'm really nervous. Thank you.
Phoebe: So Ross, how umm, how did it go with Bonnie?
Ross: Eh? Oh! I gotta tell you, I I wasn't expecting to like her at all, I mean I actually wasn't expecting to like anyone right now, but she's really terrific.
Phoebe: Ohh, it's too bad!
Ross: No, I I'm saying I liked her.
Phoebe: Yeah, you know what, there are other fish in the sea.
Ross: Pheebs, I think she's great. Ok? We're going out again.
Phoebe: Ok, I hear you! Are you capable of talking about anything else?
Chandler: Hey! Which one's my turkey burger?
Ross: Ahh, the one next to my foot. Sorry.
Joey: Hey, the fight's starting! Ok, we'll be right in. So ah, did your boss try to slap you again today?
Chandler: Nine times! Ok, I had to put on lotion! But, it's gonna be ok, because as of tomorrow I'm conducting an experiment, and if all goes as planned, my butt will be smack free.
Joey: Fight's over!
Chandler: Excuse me, Doug? Hey you there sports fan! !
Doug: Bing! You got those numbers for me?
Chandler: No, I ah, I didn't do them.
Doug: Oh, you forgot?
Chandler: No, no, I just ah, didn't do them. Instead, I ah, hung out with some friends and had a couple of beers so I certainly don't deserve any praise, verbal or otherwise.
Doug: Well, I got tanked myself last night. Pretty dicey drive home, Tappan Zee Bridge never looked smaller. That's ok, you're still my number one guy! Bing!
Chandler: Doug! ! Hmm.
Chandler: I'm a little bit uncomfortable with the way that you express yourself.
Doug: Oh, is it the swearing? I mean is it the constant swearing? Because I gotta tell you, if it is, you can just.kiss my ass!
Chandler: No, no. It it's not about the swearing, it's more about ah, the way, that you ah, occasionally, concentrate, your enthusiasm on my buttocks.
Doug: Oh? Oh, and don't get me wrong, I appreciate the sentiment. It's just that I, I have a rather, sensitive posterior, and ah, besides, it's making all the other guys jealous.
Doug: Well, say no more. You know, it takes guts to bring this up. Bing! You're ok. Ok. Ha! Ahhhhhhh! Ahhhhh!
Phoebe: Ok. Would you rather live in the shirt pocket of a sweaty giant, or inside his shower drain?
Rachel: Oh my God! Phoebe look, it's that girl.
Phoebe: No! No! Look at that! It's a line of ants! They're working as a team! Phoebe!
Phoebe: Right, oh yeah. Wow, oh, it looks like Ross is breaking up with her. Uff, I hope he lets her down easy. Let's go.
Rachel: Come on, Phoebe, look at that! They are not breaking up, look at them. Ok that, you know what that is? That is a, that is a second date, that's what that is!
Look at that, she just put her hand on his thigh.
Phoebe: Oh no! That really is nothing, she is very sexually aggressive.
Rachel: Ohh! Phoebe, this is all your fault! Now he loves her, he's gonna marry her, and this is all your fault.
Phoebe: You said it was ok!
Rachel: You said she was bald! !
Phoebe: Was! Was was was was was! !!
Rachel: Phoebe, we can't, we just can't just let it happen! Ok, we have to do something! We have to break them up! Ok? You just go in there and like, shave her head! You owe me one bald girl! !
Phoebe: Ok, first of all, breathe. Second of all, I don't get it. Aren't you the one that decided that you didn't wanna be with Ross?
Rachel: Yes.
Phoebe: Well isn't he your friend? Don't you want him to be happy?
Rachel: Yes.
Phoebe: So?
Rachel: I just you know, I didn't expect him to be this happy so soon. Ufff. Ooo ooh!
Phoebe: Oh no. What? Oh, we killed them all. Oh!
Pete: It's ok, it's not as bad as it looks, it's a precaution. Ah, I'm not supposed to move my spine.
Monica: Please tell me you're stopping now.
Pete: I'm fine! I'd fight tonight, if they'd let me. See this circle I'm marking off here? This is my zone of terror.
Monica: Ok. You are insane! You you gotta give this up!
Pete: I can't until I'm the ultimate fighter. I will do it. I'm telling you, the day will come when children will argue over who will win a fight, me or Superman.
Now, how much I can beat Superman, but you know, kids are stupid.
Monica: Sit down. All right? Please, Lis listen to me. You are terrible at this! Ok? You are the worst ultimate fighter ever! Ever! !
Pete: You know I have a torn rotator cuff, a hairline fracture in my right forearm, and a severely bruised Adam's Apple, but that really hurt.
Monica: Well then, you know what? I care about you too much to watch you hurt yourself like this. So if you have to do this, then you're gonna have to do it without me.
Pete: Well if you're asking me to quit, then you're asking me to be someone I'm not. I've got to do this.
Monica: Then I've gotta go. Bye.
Pete: Mon Monica? Yes?
Pete: Could you leave a note? 'Cause I'm on a lot of painkillers now, and I don't know if I'll remember this tomorrow.
Doug: So, in conclusion, the lines all go up, so, I'm happy. Great job team! Tomorrow, 8:30. Phil! Nice job. Stevens! Way to go!
Joel burg, you maniac! I love ya! Bing! Good job, couldn't have done it without you. Thank you, sir.
Stevens: Oh, excuse me. I forgot my briefcase you know, by accident.
Doug: Of course, you did. Forgot something else too ya bastard! Well, what about you? You're not feeling left out or anything are ya?
Chandler: No. No, not at all, that's that's ridiculous.
Doug: Everybody else got one, and you want one too. Don't you?
Chandler: Ye ye yeah, yes I do!
Doug: Now get on outta here you!
TV Announcer: Pete Becker is circling the ring now. Looks like he's just trying to feel him out. Oh, Bruiser is charging.
Chandler: Run! Run you crazy, rich freak!
Rachel: Oh, I can't watch this.
Joey: Check it out, he's winning! Pete's winning!
Monica: Really? ! No o o! !
TV Announcer: Uh oh, Bruiser has Becker on the canvas and is going for his favorite area. Oh! Oh!
Phoebe: Wait, if that's his favorite area, why is he being so mean to it?
Ross: This is ironic. Of your last two boyfriends, Richard didn't wanna have kids, and from the looks of it, now Pete can't. Ohh! !